Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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