I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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