my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am one with the molecules
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
