drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
