I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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