i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
