my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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