She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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