I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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