I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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