if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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