You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
