Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
