oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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