i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
