I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
