"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I want her autograph on my taint
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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