Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
soo... how was my night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
