Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
