If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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