we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
