let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
