i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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