Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
