So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
