she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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