There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
