Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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