When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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