I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
