that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
