I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?