dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well