So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON