There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
