Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds

(1-440): View more from Ohio

How much beer did you get for it?

(440): View more from Ohio

One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied

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(440): Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds (1-440): How much beer did you get for it? (440): One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied http://tfl.nu/6auu

Replies (2) Good night (680) Bad night (1782)
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(207): View more from Maine

i will never coherently bang her

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(207): i will never coherently bang her http://tfl.nu/z0d8

Replies (6) Good night (868) Bad night (3201)
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(310): View more from California

once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

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(310): once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there http://tfl.nu/icqv

Replies (36) Good night (911) Bad night (9753)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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(763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5

Replies (8) Good night (4911) Bad night (1409)
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(702): View more from Nevada

So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"

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(702): So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this" http://tfl.nu/lsrz

Replies (17) Good night (4342) Bad night (1670)
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(253): View more from Washington

I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

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(253): I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight. http://tfl.nu/4pnr

Replies (12) Good night (3461) Bad night (1038)
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(310): View more from California

I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*

(310): View more from California

Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.

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(310): I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.* (310): Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche. http://tfl.nu/gxdj

Replies (12) Good night (3021) Bad night (858)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.

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(248): Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'. http://tfl.nu/4pwa

Replies (10) Good night (5638) Bad night (923)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom

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(616): Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom http://tfl.nu/kxki

Replies (3) Good night (1533) Bad night (729)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I won't apologize to a one balled man

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(630): I won't apologize to a one balled man http://tfl.nu/49il

Replies (9) Good night (758) Bad night (1050)
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(561): View more from Florida

They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no

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(561): They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no http://tfl.nu/615z

Replies (3) Good night (511) Bad night (296)
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(845): View more from New York

then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy

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(845): then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy http://tfl.nu/hfvq

Replies (3) Good night (934) Bad night (568)
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(231): View more from Michigan

That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.

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(231): That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/ogi2

Replies (8) Good night (787) Bad night (425)
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(509): View more from Washington

People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.

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(509): People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis. http://tfl.nu/hrpb

Replies (2) Good night (854) Bad night (326)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.

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(404): I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten. http://tfl.nu/1ps7

Replies (0) Good night (554) Bad night (288)

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