Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.

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  (812): Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was. http://tfl.nu/nuhx
  Replies (28) Good night (8685) Bad night (788)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend

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  (412): He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend http://tfl.nu/zd33
  Replies (9) Good night (4511) Bad night (1064)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

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  (513): My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked. http://tfl.nu/x6u7
  Replies (6) Good night (4575) Bad night (859)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...

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  (303): so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob... http://tfl.nu/tixa
  Replies (34) Good night (5288) Bad night (2181)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm

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  (248): thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm http://tfl.nu/wrnu
  Replies (6) Good night (1852) Bad night (646)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.

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  (631): Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof. http://tfl.nu/txgs
  Replies (2) Good night (1347) Bad night (594)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  You did this to yourself.

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  (989): I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation. (1-989): You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/o89r
  Replies (11) Good night (1596) Bad night (661)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.

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  (605): And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same. http://tfl.nu/7gpg
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (652)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this

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  (413): I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this http://tfl.nu/znqy
  Replies (6) Good night (1713) Bad night (520)
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  (914): View more from New York

  We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer

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  (914): We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer http://tfl.nu/h5p8
  Replies (11) Good night (836) Bad night (339)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.

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  (612): You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms. http://tfl.nu/grmf
  Replies (4) Good night (885) Bad night (290)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?

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  (613): Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates? http://tfl.nu/iv63
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (367)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?

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  (519): What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ? http://tfl.nu/ckpy
  Replies (1) Good night (249) Bad night (456)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.

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  (256): I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night. http://tfl.nu/dalv
  Replies (0) Good night (470) Bad night (227)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol

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  (936): There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol http://tfl.nu/zyck
  Replies (6) Good night (571) Bad night (396)

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