Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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