Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.