If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
