Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
