The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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