He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
