the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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