i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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