Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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