Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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