hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
