Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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