we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Send help, water and tortillas.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
