In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
