Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
