eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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