im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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