Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
