the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
