i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
