Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
