are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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