I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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