Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
