All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
