Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
