dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
