Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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