Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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