Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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