My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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