you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
